10 Signs you’re new to Gay Sex

1.) You took the meaning of the words top and bottom literally

2.) You thought bareback was a reference to horse riding

3.) When you heard someone was cut you called an ambulance

4.) You thought your Nan was the best teabagger in town

5.) You discovered you have a very sensitive gag reflex

6.) You said ‘Wow that lube’s cold isn’t it, where are we putting it?’

7.) You ignored the warnings to take it slowly

8.) You lay fetal and screaming for 15 minutes once you realised your mistake

9.) Yes, that smell did come out of you

10.) He finished you, but you gave up when ‘your arm got tired’

10.) You weren’t prepared for the money shot which left you covered & shaking like a shitting dog.