10 Things You Should Never Say

1.) I thrived on the drama of the London Riots and pretended my excitement was outrage.

2.) You weren’t invited because my friends don’t like you.

3.) You do look fat in that. you look fat in everything. you’re really fat.

4.) What she isn’t telling you is she pisses herself when she gets drunk. Every time.

5.) I’m not skint, I just don’t want to spend the money.

6.) Christ you look old.

7.) I’ve been online stalking you for months.

8.) Your baby is ugly.

9.) Yes we have met before. You came on my face on Clapham Common last summer.

10.) Let me finish myself off; you couldn’t find my G spot if I gave you a map.

Oh don’t look at me like that. With your eyes.

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