You ruined it, J Campbell

I read this; I get to the part where he turns to his friends and says ‘…that’s him’, and I imagine what his friend says back to him. I imagine him saying:

“Mate, cut and run, he’s ruining your life, I don’t even recognise you anymore; you flinch when your phone rings, you never say yes to hanging out without checking with him first,  you look exhausted, you’re skint, and all I can see you getting out of this is a complete and utter ball ache.”

You ruined it J Campbell.

You’ve given every hi-mato (high maintenance) arsehole out there a quaint little prose to approve a litany of horrendous behaviour they feel justified in using to test and measure if you are ‘the one’. You’ve set the bar so fucking high there’s absolutely no point in trying. You’ve taken the fun out of ‘seeing how it goes’, ‘going with the flow’, the organic approach.

You’ve condensed Gone with the Wind into a fucking bullet and shot it into the arse of every man across the country.

There are some people in this world that are high maintenance, and get away with it. If and when they find partners, said partners are generally very patient people, whose love helps them see beyond the demands that would make me myself impersonate an angry cat being put into a bath.

Some of these hi-matos are super cute/ stunning/ have bodies you’d sell your great Aunt just to touch so they can afford to be a little picky. We don’t mind them this. It’s God’s tax on beauty.  But now variations of this cocking quote have been picked up by every shelved girl and gay on every dating website and seized on as the answer to their lonesome prayers. Of course I don’t need to work on myself, compromise or make any of the moves. THIS guy is going to come along and do it all for me!

Did it just get stuffy in here? Oh no wait, I can’t breathe for the SELFISHNESS. No one deserves a relationship because they are lonely, just like I’m not given a car just because I can fucking drive.

Everyone wants to find love, of course, but we are not OWED it. We don’t have a right to it. We can hope for it, court it, chase it and if we’re lucky then find it – and then it’s ours to hold on to for has long as we can – and want to.

If we’re even luckier, we meet someone with whom we click; someone we want to be better with and for, someone we would like to dote on in our own way, regardless if they return it.

Someone who doesn’t need to make a fuss of you, for you to know that they love you. 

When I see this posted on dating profiles, regardless of how nice they look, I run, a fucking, mile. My bugbear is that, in my eyes, it gives people an excuse to bypass any real effort on their part and sit in judgement whilst others try and fail miserably at their feet. And they will fail. We are not perfect. We are human. We click with some better than others. We sometimes hit it off straight away, and other times take the scenic route. Sometimes we don’t match at all at first glance. But how will we ever find out if there’s more to this than meets the eye? Answer me THAT J Campbell!

Because whilst I am trying in vain to forge a connection, my potential beau has already switched off. He’s checking that line about the tracksuit and sees it’s not applying here, so something must be wrong. He’s meant to be adored right now. This isn’t part of the script.

Fuck the script. The point is there isn’t meant to be one. I kindly ask you J Campbell: take away your ideal love if just for a little while, and give real love a chance to grow. It might fart, forget your birthday, shrink your T-shirts and not always wash up – but – by God, it’s beautiful.

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