Gay Alzheimers!

An epidemic has swept the gay community and threatens to un-hinge us all. It’s frightening. It’s real. It’s called Gay Alzheimers.

Or, coined by local groups, ‘Galzheimers’

Studies show the affliction is wide spread and few gays are immune. Insiders claim many will have seen the signs but probably weren’t aware they were dealing with the symptoms of this debilatating epidemic…

Gays you got chatting to on the weekend won’t have a clue who you are the next time you see them. Gays you see in the gym every single day if seen in a bar/ pub/ club will have absolutely no idea who you are. But officials reveal the most acute cases affect those who’ve been chatting online for ages and then sleep together. You can spend a whole evening, night and morning with someone, sharing stories, kisses and probably semen, and then find yourself standing next to him in the queue in Sainsbury’s without a blink of recognition. And worse yet, its been announced that they’ll probably never recognise you again.

Terry, from Wandsworth recounts:

I’d been chatting to this South African dude for over a year and considered him a mate, and then we finally met up and the sex was so good he tore me a new arsehole. Now though, It’s like I don’t exist! He chewed my balls for Fucks Sake. What a cunt.


Warnings have been put out to those with musclular physiques and/or good looks as they are most susceptible. I’ve seen this with my own eyeballs. There’s a muscle guy who lives right by me. Whilst he’s not my type, I’ve seen him around my area for yonks, online, and in local bars, usually with the A-Gays. I’ve introduced myself, made polite conversation and even enjoyed a pint at a neighbour’s party. Yet when we found ourselves walking passed each other in the gym, (me to the loo, him to the muscle boys) he looked right through me and completely ignored my acknowledgment. And thus every encounter, especially at the gym, is now like this. If you think you recognise these symptoms, doctors advise in the following report:

Do not to engage with those displaying symptoms. They will not be able to look at you directly in the eye and may become aggressive if challenged, leading to further ostracisation.

I wish I’d got that warning before. I had a night out with a friend and some of his friends, spending a long time chatting a guy and his boyfriend in that group. Yet two weeks later when I approached said guy who was with friends to say hi, he announced indifferently that he had no idea who I was. His friends found this hysterical and sniggered at me as I floundered to search for some recognition. But it’s not funny is it? Because it makes you think, is it Galzheimers, or is it just being plain fucking rude?

The Impact

After all, there’s nothing worse you can do to a person than forget them. It makes them feel small, sidelined, unimportant. And us gays are quite territorial, over places and social groups, so new people could pose a threat to our position.

If single, interactions like these become more important, especially as we grow older.

Precious moments could be wasted, chatting to a nobody when Mr Right could walk past any minute. But then, how the fuck are you to form any sense of a local social life for Mr Right to appear, if you blank the gays around you?

You find that you’ve wound up in a bar where you’re ignoring more people than those you could talk to.

Maybe its a sense of shame; a fear of over commiting in your interactions and then having to levie expectation with those now ‘wanting a piece of you’.

But the real sufferers from galzheimers are the new potential friendships; the opportunity of a widened social circle, the offering and receiving a sense of belonging. I’m now in my thirties, live on my own and my friends don’t live nearby, so it’s become important to me to enjoy where I live – and it not be just where I come back to sleep. I look around me and there are guys I chatted to online and in person, shared a drink, danced with and even had a cheeky snog, yet we walk past like strangers. Don’t get me wrong, there are some days I count my blessings I can slip in and out with no detection like a covert Viet Cong. But it can become a lonely existence if you find yourself being blanked by the gay community on your doorstep.

Rev. Dom Shetland of Weston Super Mare comments:

I’ve never understood gays and I don’t think God does either.

What can we Do?

If we could commit to a simple head nod, it would give each party the subtle validation Galzheimers could only dream of. We don’t have to fuck, buy a dog, or get a pre-nup. We just need to say hello now and again.

Let’s break the shackles of Galzheimers. You won’t lose part of yourself I promise. You might even make a friend.


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